The Incredible Shrinking Woman

Well Lovies, back in March I lost what I "thought" was my dream job--through no fault of my own. I felt worthless and defeated and all of the lousy things one feels when fired. But I felt worse because I am waaaaay overweight--beyond what one would call "fat". I am morbidly obese and not alone in this club either. I felt like I was judged by my appearance--felt? Hell I know I was judged. It made me think alot. I got pissed at life...I got tired of feeling like I was being pissed on. My self esteem took such a hit. In that moment of pissousity I made a decision. I was going to have bariatric surgery....one way or another I was going to make it happen. And so it began. I called the surgeon and got the ball rolling. You have to go through 6 months of jumping through hoops before your surgery can even be scheduled. Patience is a virtue dearies. 6 months of nutritional counselling, 2 visits with a psychiatrist 1 just to set the scene and the second to actually do a psychological test! A preop with your family doc and one more with the surgeon! Whew! ha! Not to mention weighing in every other week--can not miss it, needs to be documented. I can not tell you how many times I flew tits to the wind to get weighed because I forgot or was busy! Now I am doing the prep which involves 2 weeks of a liquid protein diet of at least 60 grams of protein a day, drinking 64 ounces of clear liquids (not broth or juices) and weaning myself from my copious amounts of caffeine that I LOVE!!! Popiscles and jell-o as long as its sugar free stuff is ok too! In 5 days I have lost 10 pounds. I am really cold and became dehydrated--yes, that 64 ounces is that IMPORTANT!! Tonight I heated my protein shake in the microwave--it was pretty good and I had hot tea too. So far so good. I won't see "FOOD" again for about a month. Last night I wanted soup, today I want popcorn or crackers. And I am craving veggies beyond what I ever dreamed possible!! I am on day 10 of the count down--my surgery being scheduled for November 13th. Wow the surgery is going to be a wild ride too. 75% 0f my stomach is going to be removed permanently. The process is called the Gastric Sleeve. I will have a picc line i.v., a ball pain pump inserted throughout my abdomen, and 5 to 7 holes (ports) for the surgeon to weave his magic scope throughout. I still can not believe that I have the balls enough to do this! I am scared--but I will die early without this procedure I am sure due to my diabetes. I have a fabulous support system in my family and best friends Mike, Stac, and Mary. My employers are on board too! Full support! So I am ready to move on with this next stage. So I hope to blog about my adventures as the incredible shrinking woman through out the next year. Be forewarned of my tirades when I am hungry or sick or in pain. I am going to keep it real for you. If I can help anyone learn from this, help them to decide to go through baritric surgery and give them comfort, or just lend a smile and a "thank God I am NOT going through that shit" to your day--then this is all well worth it even more!

It was an Amazing Journey.......

When we left off in this soap opera I call "life" I was undergoing a heart scan/heart cath.$12,000.00 later, I have NO heart problems! False positive. Glad and relieved but,really, $12,000.00 for a FALSE positive? WOW!
On April 11th I under went a total hysterectomy. Able to be done with a scope much easier!! It was crazy because I drove there all by myself, went into surgery all by myself and was scared shitless all by myself! My hubby had to get our daughter off to school and I had to be there before the roosters wake. It worked for us. Yeah, it's kind of lonely to be there all by yourself contemplating EVERYTHING!! Anywho, went through the surgery fine. Yesterday at my 6 week check I found out that I did have the start of endometrial cancer---but it's all gone!! Praise God!!
What I want to share with you--especially over time--is what this whole ordeal has meant to me, how it has changed me. See, I had a Spiritual Epiphany of sorts. While in recovery, although no one is acknowledging this medically, I choked and pulled my airway out. I heard my nurse scrambling, sounding a little panicked that no one was helping her with me. And I passed back out into oblivion. BUT it wasn't oblivion, I sat up and got off the table and walked into a completely different demension. I left my body and didn't look back! I was greeted with utter joy by my Mom, my brother, friends, Grandparents. These folks have all passed over!! I don't think I have ever been so excited! It was so moving and so grand that words cannot explain it. We spoke of how I wasn't staying and I had lots to do with my hubby and daughter in the future. That they need me. It was all ok, sheer bliss, perfection.
Of course, the nurses later were talking ,as if I wasn't there, about my trouble breathing and being bagged for 3 minutes. That is my only confirmation that this happened from a medical standpoint.
Yet things changed and continue to change. My walk with God is closer and intimate. I feel the feelings of the soul. I appreciate and am grateful for EVERYTHING--good or bad. I can see it's true form. I have premonitions I can't explain. I have blocked or deleted friends on Facebook for their negativity. Negativity literally makes me ill. Life is just better.
So folks, I have no idea what truly happened. What I do know is I am here to live another day. I am going to take full advantage of it all!
Be Blessed!

It Took on a Life of It's Own...

After my heart scans last week I get a call informing me that I have heart trouble! Totally unaware of this new development. Could be a malformation, could be a blockage, could be NOTHING a false positive. Nevertheless, on Monday morning I will undergo a heart catherization.
Of course, the hubby will be there,only because I will be under sedation. My MIL wants to join in on the fun and be there to support me. I'm trying to find the best way to tell her that I'm fine with just hubby. Long story short, my MIL made a promise to be there for me in the event my Mother passed away. Well, Mom did pass away almost 8 years ago. And, no matter how loving the gesture, it's NOT the same. I am used to my Mom being gone and I'm used to "just me". I'll try to be as nice as possible.
So, I digress. In the midst of all of this I am in horrible pain and doped up on painkillers due to my uterus staging some kind of revolt along with my ovaries. Bleeding,clotting, TMI!!!!! SORRY!! It's all part of the whole precancer stuff. Once again catch 22--need to be cleared for surgery in order to have the hysterectomy and have to have the heart cath. in order to be cleared. Holy Cow!!
Kind of scary--but I am not scared. Maybe I should be and I'm too drugged to know better. HA! I will keep you posted on any further developments. Hopefully,there will be none except surgery!! Be Blessed!!

A New Gig--Change IS "good", right?

There I was minding my own business when all hades breaks lose. Crap! :) For the last 2 years I have been looking for a J-O-B. I actually enjoyed being a lazy bum-but I digress. Employment did find me and I am back into the childcare industry. I complained and whined all the way thru my first week. Now, I've come to like my job--no one breathes down my neck, I have fun and I get paid. Voila, it's a MIRACLE! :)
The new employment gig has been put on hold because I have precancerous cells in my uterus. This will require a hysterectomy that I am HAPPILY awaiting. BUT the hysterectomy gig has been put on hold because my heart isn't stable. (HA! proof to all of the haters that I DO indeed have a heart!)I will be having heart scans for 3 days next week-which was resceduled from THIS week. My dear little hag came down with a horrible virus and of course she shared. Once again, putting a gig on hold.
In the middle of all of this, I was skyping with a psychic/medium friend of mine. (Insights from the Beyond on Paraspeak.com Monday from 7-9p.m.)He told me many things. Most important was about my health. Blood pressure issues,check, diabetes not in full control,check, heart disease,overweight check,check. THIS is my wake up call. No death predictions--but my life will be dramatically shortened if I don't make serious changes. Did I see this coming? Yep. Did I realize that someday I would have to pay the piper for all of my playing around? Yep. Just didn't want to say "hello" to this quite yet. Seriously though, when one gets "called out" by the Spirit--consider yourself warned.
So here is yet another "new gig" I am embarking on. Guess what? I am going to take you with me on this adventure. Time to be healthy again, time to be AMAZING as God intended me to be. Time to be a better,wife,mom,friend,daughter you name it. In order to do all that I will HAVE to put myself first--no easy feat. It is soooo much easier to worry and fix everyone else than it is yourself. My "stuff" seems so overwhelming. BUT I WANT to LIVE--fully and wholly. So off I go into the unknown. I shall keep all of my hags updated on my progress ans any pitfalls I may (will) encounter. Wish me blessings! In the words of Charlie....."WINNING!".

Life isn't Fair--but it should be...

Allright then, my Mom always said "shit in one hand, wish in the other and see which one gets full first." She also said"people in hell want ice water but they don't always get it." Yes indeedy she was full of isms. But it was her way of telling her little hag that life isn't fair, you don't always get what you want or your way--even at BK!! Here it is, today I staged an intervention with one of my BFF's. Her life is a mess and her home reflects it horribly. Not too mention that her beautiful husky passed over while she was in the ER with shortness of breath. Yikes! My point, and I do have one, is that although life isn't fair--it should be. Not perfect but fair. Just think of how nice it would be if that person in school who teased you about your glasses,braces,hair what have you--ran into you one day and had that same affliction and moaned about how hard it was to have "whatever". The bragging parents on your block finding out in later years that your child is the highest ranking official in the world EVER. While their little Johnny can't seem to move out of their house muchless off of their couch! How GRAND a world that would be!!!
But alas, it is not to be. At least in this Hags world. We all have struggles,we all have our own form of insanity that we cope with from day to day. My darling hags, please remember to cut each other a break once and awhile. Care about one another, reach out. Because the life isn't fair--but it should be.

Well then.....

Well, I got caught up in the craziness of the season now didn't I? Didn't try to blog once past November!! However, I was quite proud of myself this year. I went shopping and was done in one day--Yule shopping done in 3 hours!! A BIG thank you to my great nephew Tory aka Mr. Noneofyourbizness. He is only three but has fabulous taste in jewelry!! Yeah,don't lose the gift kid!!;)
I/we did have a Christmas miracle! My little witchlet decided that she wanted to go sledding. I was dogged to death by her best friend and said witchlet all the while I had bronchitis. FINALLY feeling a little better off we went--sledding. On the last run down the hill my little one spins backward and smacks into a tree! I saw her head snap, I saw her back hit hard, then she went face down. Her BFF went running down the hill, I hung onto trees while I made my way down. Off we went to the ER!! Long story short, mild concussion,bruised spine,whiplash!!! AND an IMPRINT of the tree bark on her back!! Holy cow!! She seriously could have had a horrible brain injury...but she didn't, she could have had broken bones...but she didn't. She is here with me, she is back at school now and doing fine. I thank the Universe and all it encompasses that she was a MIRACLE!
2011 is here now and I hope that all of us have MIRACLES every day and feel the GRATITUDE for the Universal LOVE that keeps us safe. Be Blessed! (*

Bah Humbug Dining 101

ok little hags, you next lesson to surviving the holidays is "the buffet"! now before i go any further, don't just click off my blog--give me a chance to help you! you have all been brainwashed into elegant dinners from the commercials and hollywood movies!! it's groovy to be martha and rachel but you DON'T have to be!! it's not a lifetime requirement!!
my trick is to set up an elegant but SIMPLE and CHEAP buffet style dinner. see, at Christmas i have 50 plus people descend like the plague at our home on Christmas Eve. these people are family, not total strangers. although i believe that strangers would be less bossy! so after all of the cleaning,setting up tables, and wrapping gifts (not to mention getting ready for Santa's late nite arrival.) the last thing i want to do is set a formal table,oops, correction 8 formal tables. so, in the weeks beforehand i hit the sales on paper plates that are cute and Christmassy oh, and CHEAP!! also, napkins, big plastic cups and plastic silverware. (note: do not go CHEAP on the plastic silver ware, it will break. been there done that) i even have cute plastic oil clothes for all of the tables. (now as i mentioned in the previous blog, i have little magic tricks i use to prepare the meals and i will continue to tell you allll about them in another blog! the buffet is an art unto itself!! lol) in the kitchen i clean off the counters and begin a serving line based on my own kitchen layout. you will have your own too! i have an area just for drinks complete with ice,cups etc..,then we move on to the plates,napkins and silverware. (tip:use cute holiday mugs or just cups to keep the silverware in place!!) next, will be finger foods, then salads,then hot stuff & main course! candies and deserts can be place on each table if you want or just make it the next stop on the buffet train!
be sure to start this nite with a clean dishwasher (if you have one.) so you can just pop the "must be washed" dishes right in! also, invest in a large trash can that you can keep right there in the kitchen or where you diners are eating-they just pitch those plates etc. right in it when they are done! ok, ok, for all of you "greenies" out there- you can use washable plates and silverware IF you have a enough and it is not a burden on your family or self! remember, i am not a festive holiday sort of gal,although i want people to think that i am, so the less i have to do the better!! this works for me for Hanukkah and yule too! i have dinners to celebrate them too-only on a smaller scale!
my little hags,be blessed and enjoy your family!!